Rethinking Our Relationship with Work
I've been thinking lately about the overemphasis that we place on work and how that can really be a detriment to us. Our professional lives have become a primary way we define ourselves, which has lasting effects on how we see ourselves and prioritize our lives.
How We Define Ourselves Through Work
One example that comes to mind is when someone asks, "Hey, tell me a bit about yourself." We tend to default to, "My name's Émilie. I am a therapist, working with this demographic..." And then, maybe, we go into other aspects of our identities, like our family, hobbies or passions. But our default is usually work.
Because, when somebody asks, "Tell me about yourself," the expectation is that you’ll talk about work—and we deliver on that expectation. This is super common in Canada and the U.S., but it’s not necessarily the same elsewhere. In some areas, if you just say, "Oh, I’m a therapist," they might say, "Okay, that’s what you do for a living, but that’s not who you are."
But in our society, we’ve wrapped up work so closely into who we are that it’s often seen as the most important part of our identity.
The Risks of Over-Identifying with Our Jobs
The problem with linking our identity so closely to work is that it can create vulnerabilities. Losing a job or facing work setbacks can send us into a tailspin. Many people work extremely hard at the expense of their well-being, which often leads to burnout.
Preparing Kids for “The Real World”
This pattern starts so young. It feels like we’re always preparing children for the “real world,” often meaning the work world. When they’re young, we’re preparing them to go to primary school. Then, from primary school, we prepare them for high school, from high school to post-secondary, and then into the workforce.
From a very young age, we start asking kids, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" For a lot of millennials (myself included), the answer was often “marine biologist.” I loved dolphins, and a lot of my friends did, too. But of course, I didn’t become a marine biologist, and neither did my friends. But it’s funny how we prime kids so early with the idea of deciding on a career path.
The Overwhelming Decision of Choosing a Career Path
In high school, there’s pressure to figure out what you want to do for (what feels like) the rest of your life, which can feel so overwhelming. But we still push them to pick a direction.
But what if you don’t end up liking what you studied? You do your studies, you leave school, you start working, and you think, “Nope, not for me, thanks.” It can feel like time you’ll never get back. This contributes to what’s known as the “sunk cost” fallacy, where people feel trapped in a field they don’t love simply because they invested time and money in their education.
Why Career Satisfaction Is About Values
As a therapist, I’ve stopped just asking, "What do you want to do as a job?" Instead, I ask, "What kind of life do you want to lead? What do you value?" Because career satisfaction is deeply tied to our values, and ideally, our work should support—not dominate—the lives we wish to live.
We’re not meant to just work; it’s one part of a fulfilling life. Yet, with increased demands in the past few decades, people often come home exhausted, with little energy left for anything else.
Moving Forward
Ultimately, we need to give ourselves permission to see work as just one part of life. Ask yourself: what values and interests bring meaning to my life, beyond work? How can my job support these values instead of detracting from them? By prioritizing our own values, we can redefine work’s place in our lives.