This is Why…You Never Feel Like a Good Enough Mom
Do you ever feel like you have no idea what you're doing as a mom?
Like everybody else seems to have it figured out—your friends, your family, the people online—and you're over here like, I have no freaking clue what I'm doing.
If that’s the case, I want you to know that you're not alone.
And to really highlight it, I want to share a conversation I had with a friend of mine over coffee recently.
Comparing Parenting Styles Over Coffee
I recently went out for coffee with a dear friend of mine who’s also a mom, and during the conversation, we spoke about our parenting styles.
I’m very much a go with the flow kind of person when it comes to raising my daughter.
She, on the other hand, is a lot more structured and organized because she’s worked with children in a professional setting. That’s just how she functions.
We were doing what moms do so well:
Praising the other person while tearing ourselves down.
Like:
“Oh my God, I love that you’re doing it like that.”
“I wish I could do it like that.”
“I think my way isn’t as good because…”
We were both worried that our own way of raising our child might not be the “right” way.
And that the other person’s way probably was.
Then We Slowed Down…
We realized this way of talking—praising each other while doubting ourselves—wasn’t helping anyone.
Yes, it's great to uplift others.
But we also need to bolster ourselves in our own parenting choices.
What's Best for Us Is Best for Them
When we really thought about it, we recognized that:
Our parenting styles are different.
Both are equally good for our families.
Because they work for us as mothers.
For example, I’m a homebody. I live the slow-living lifestyle. I also live with generalized anxiety disorder.
Having a structured, busy, out-of-the-house kind of day would just cause me unnecessary stress.
That would mean I couldn’t show up as my best self for my daughter.
My friend is the opposite—if she didn’t have that structure, it would impact her negatively.
So:
Our parenting styles are right, because they support our well-being.
And when we care for ourselves, we can show up for our families in the best way possible.
There Is No One “Right” Way to Parent
There’s this assumption out there that there’s only one “right” way to parent. So we compare ourselves to others, we look online for the answer.
And there are so many people on the internet—especially influencers—who are more than happy to tell you that their way is the right way, and your way is wrong.
But I’m here to tell you: that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
So Many Books = No One Answer
Before becoming a parent myself, when I used to work with families, I used to joke that the problem with parenting wasn’t the lack of a manual... it was that there were too many manuals.
And now I realize that’s not just a joke—it’s actually true. The fact that there are so many books out there means there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
Each of us is unique, and our children are unique, and that combination makes parenting unique too.
Out of curiosity, I searched “parenting books” on Indigo.ca.
11,846 results came up.
Yep. Eleven thousand, eight hundred and forty-six.
Sure, some are similar, some completely different, some slight variations—but that number alone shows how many ways there are to parent.
What Really Matters
Of course, children have universal needs:
Food
Safety
Shelter
Love
(Maslow’s hierarchy, basically.)
But beyond that?
It doesn’t matter if you buy the Montessori toys.
Or take big vacations.
Or only eat organic.
There’s no conclusive research saying you have to do any of that.
And no matter what we do, we’re still going to worry—about doing enough, doing too much, doing it right.
But the fact that there is no one right way? That’s actually liberating.
What Children Really Need
In my opinion, the biggest determinant of a child growing up well is having a parent who is well.
A parent who takes care of themselves.
A parent who models self-care and emotional regulation.
When we do that, we:
Are more present and connected
Have more patience
Can co-regulate with our children
And our children grow up knowing:
“Taking care of myself matters.”
Children need healthy parents.
Stop Comparing
Knowing there’s not one right way to parent means we need to stop comparing ourselves—to others, to people on social media, to friends and family, and even to the parents on Bluey.
I love the show Bluey, but if I watch it for too long, I start feeling like a bad parent.
Then I heard a comedian say—we only see a glimpse of their day. And that’s true.
Any of us can be pretty amazing parents... for 10 minutes. Same goes for what we see on social media.
So remember, what you’re seeing online isn’t always reality.
What matters is that you’re taking care of yourself.
That you get the rest, relaxation, and time to just be.
You are not just a mom. Not just a partner. You are your own person.
And taking care of that person is so important.
Watch the full video version of this blog here: You Never Feel Like a Good Enough Mom