“Am I a Bad Mom?” Let’s Talk About the Guilt, Comparison, and Pressure

So, you're worried you're a bad mom.
You feel like you can’t seem to get motherhood “right.”
You compare yourself to other moms, you feel guilty about everything—from screen time to store-bought snacks—and you wonder if you’re enough.

I want you to know: you're not alone. I feel that way sometimes too. A lot of us do. So let’s talk about it—the guilt, the not-good-enoughness, and that exhausting comparison trap.

The Fear of Messing Up Our Kids

I remember being in my master’s program, sitting in internship class with a group of women, and we were all joking (but not really) about how we were sadly most likely going to mess up our kids. One of us even had a gag gift book called 100 Ways to Screw Up Your Kids. It was funny, but it also hit close to home.

That fear runs deep.

And yet, in my years of working with children and families, I’ve noticed something: the parents who worry about messing up their kids? They’re often the ones doing the best job.

Why?
Because they care. They think about what’s best for their child. They try.

The Pressure to Do It All (and Do It Perfectly)

Parenting today comes with a never-ending to-do list. And moms, especially, often end up being the “default parent.”

You're not just parenting. You're scheduling appointments, cleaning dishes, planning meals, making sure everyone has clean clothes, and maybe also working outside the home. You're expected to manage the household while still showing up perfectly present for your child.

The pressure is crushing.

And then we layer on unrealistic expectations—from society, from social media, even from our own inner voice. We think we should be able to keep the house spotless, cook every meal from scratch, always be calm and patient, and still have time and energy for our relationships and ourselves.

But here's the thing: everything comes with a trade-off.

If you're doing all the visible, Instagram-worthy things like home-cooked meals and perfectly organized toy bins, you might be sacrificing time with your kids, quiet moments, rest, or your own well-being.

Let’s Talk About the Guilt Loop

Even when we logically know we can’t do it all, the guilt creeps in.

You might feel guilty for feeding your kids store-bought snacks.
Guilty for using screens so you can get a moment of peace.
Guilty for working.
Guilty for not working.

No matter what path you choose, guilt seems to follow.

Working moms feel bad sending their kids to daycare. Stay-at-home moms feel bad that their kids don’t get that social experience. It's like no matter what, we tell ourselves we’re falling short.

This guilt chips away at our self-worth and identity as moms. We start to believe we’re just… not enough.

The Comparison Trap

Now let’s layer in comparison.

We look at other moms—friends, family, people online—and see all the things they’re doing “better.”

One of my friends told me about someone who makes everything from scratch for her baby—applesauce, snacks, the works. Meanwhile, I’m the “grab a pouch from the grocery store” type. And the first thought I had was, Oh no, am I supposed to be doing that too?

But here’s what I found out: her child has severe allergies. That’s why she makes everything from scratch—not because she’s a better mom than me or my friend.

We don’t see the why when we’re scrolling through Instagram. We just see the perfectly filtered what—and we assume we’re failing in comparison.

The Truth Behind the Highlight Reels

Social media only shows part of the story. It’s a highlight reel, not the full picture.

I barely post on Facebook. But when I do, it’s usually because something funny or special happened—like the rare occasion my daughter let me do her hair (she usually won’t even let me near it).

If I post a photo of her all done up, someone might think, Wow, Émilie really has it together. But the truth is… she barely lets me do it, and when she does, it’s a small miracle.

This is what I mean: we compare ourselves to these curated moments and assume that’s reality. And it leads to shame and self-doubt.

So… Are You a Bad Mom?

Here’s the heart of it.

If you’re wondering whether you’re a bad mom… you probably aren’t.

Truly. The fact that you’re reflecting on it, searching for insight, trying to do better—that’s a strong sign that you care deeply. And that means something.

Are you doing everything perfectly? Of course not. None of us are. Perfect doesn’t exist—and you don’t want that pressure anyway.

What matters is this:

• Is your child safe?

• Are they cared for?

• Are they loved?

• Are you doing your best in your current season of life?

If yes, you’re doing a good job. Really.

You Don’t Have to Do It All

Let go of the idea that you need to make everything from scratch.
Let go of the need to match someone else’s highlight reel.
Let go of the guilt that says you’re not doing enough.

You're doing the best you can with what you have—and that is enough.

Watch the full video version of this blog here: Am I A Bad Mom?