I Stopped Trying to Be a Perfect Mom—And Became a Happier One

When I stopped trying to be a perfect mom, I truly became a happier one.

And I want to share that experience with you, because it might be something you’re grappling with too. So today, I want to talk about the beliefs I had that were keeping me stuck, the thing I had to let go of to actually embrace the motherhood I have now, the shift that happened—and how my life looks after making that shift.

The Beliefs That Kept Me Stuck

Now, if you would have asked me back then if I thought I was trying to be the perfect mom, I would have told you that I wasn’t. I would have said things like, “Oh, perfection doesn’t exist,” or “Just follow your path.” You know, all those sayings we say often.

But if that were really true—if I didn’t think perfection existed—then why was I constantly berating myself for my perceived imperfections? Why was I putting myself down every time I didn’t do the dishes or the laundry? Why was I telling myself that I was a bad mom because I wasn’t meeting a certain level of motherhood I thought was appropriate?

The truth is, what I deemed “appropriate” was based on idealized versions of motherhood. The kind we see in media, on social media, on Instagram or Facebook. That kind of motherhood that just seems too good to be true. Where you look at someone and think, “I suck, because they’re so awesome.”

So yeah, I said I didn’t believe in perfection. But then I kept bashing myself as if perfection was the standard.

Something Had to Change

I was unhappy. I wasn’t enjoying motherhood—and I wanted to enjoy it. I was also going through a lot of postpartum depression and anxiety. And I knew I had a tendency, ever since childhood, to put a lot of pressure on myself. To be a high achiever. To demand perfection, even when it didn’t exist.

So I needed to let something go.
I needed to let go of a lot of the expectations I had for myself—and especially the belief that I had to be a certain way or I wasn’t good enough. That I had to do certain things, or I wasn’t a good mom.

The Concept That Changed Everything

One of the most impactful changes started with a book: How to Keep House While Drowning by therapist KC Davis. This book is packed with so much helpful wisdom for moms.

But one point that really stood out to me was the concept of care tasks.
Care tasks are the things you do to care for your house and yourself—things like doing the dishes, the laundry, making supper. All those daily chores.

And her point is: yes, these things need to be done at some point…
But whether you do them or don’t do them? That’s morally neutral.

You are not a good person or a bad person based on whether you got the dishes done today. They’re just tasks. They say nothing about who you are as a mom or a human.

She also talks about how it’s not about perfection—it’s about making your home work for you.

Good Enough Over Perfect

That idea really stuck with me. I started thinking about the minimum viable things I needed to do to take care of myself and my family.

Sometimes, that just means making sure we have enough clean dishes to eat. Not every single one needs to be washed today. If I’m really tired, I might just throw a few in the dishwasher. That’s good enough.

And often, I don’t do the dishes at night—I’m honestly really bad at doing dishes. My husband is too. So right now? There are dishes from supper. But I’m working on this blog post, and then I’m going to rest. Because that’s what’s more important to me.

Did I do the dishes? No.
Am I a horrible mom? Also no.
Because they’re just dishes.

I’m not a good or bad mom if the laundry’s done or not. Does my daughter have clean clothes? Do I have clean clothes? Yes. So we’re good.

It’s about doing what you can without attaching it to your worth.

My Worth Isn’t What I Do

That’s really the shift that happened—I decoupled myself from this idea that I am what I do. That my value comes from whether or not I accomplish certain tasks.

So now, I’ve let go of perfection. I don’t have any expectations for myself, except the basic ones:

• Being present for my family

• Loving my daughter

• Taking care of her…

And that part comes naturally.
When you’re not carrying the weight of unrealistic expectations, when you’re not trying to be perfect all the time—you actually enjoy motherhood a lot more.

It’s Our Motherhood Too

When I shifted how I view motherhood—when I started choosing presence over perfection—everything started to feel lighter.

I gave myself permission to enjoy my motherhood.
Because this is my daughter’s childhood. And it’s my motherhood.

No matter how many kids you have, every single child brings a different version of motherhood. And you deserve to be present in it. To appreciate it.

A Happy Mom, Not a Perfect One

Because I no longer associate my worth with what I do or don’t do around the house, I can honestly say: I’m a happy mom.

I enjoy the moments I get to spend with my family. I don’t berate myself for what I didn’t get done. I ask for help. (Yes—asking for help!)

And part of that letting go of perfection meant no longer trying to do it all by myself.
I used to martyr myself.
If you’re a perfect mom, you don’t need anyone, right? You can do it all.
But that’s not true.

Now I lean into the partnership I have. I ask friends or family when I need to. And I’ve let go of that need to do everything, then feel bad when I don’t.

The Voice Still Comes Up

That voice still pops up sometimes.
It tells me, “A good mom would do this,” or “A good mom wouldn’t forget that.”

But now I pause. I reassess.
What do I want my motherhood to look like?

For me, that means:

• Spending time with my daughter

• Time with my husband

• Doing things I love—like making YouTube videos

• Seeing my friends

• Working on things that fulfill me

Is my house aesthetic? No.
I’ve got toddler safety locks everywhere… But I’m really happy.

A Gentle Reminder for You

If you’re putting pressure on yourself to be perfect—or to be a certain type of mother—I just want to say:

You don’t need to be anything but yourself.
Just being you is enough.

And the things you do in your home?
They don’t make you a good or bad mom.
They’re just things to do.

Watch the full video version of this blog here: I Stopped Trying to Be a “Perfect Mom”—And Became a Happier One