Rediscovering Yourself in Motherhood
Do you ever feel like you’ve lost touch with who you are?
Maybe the only way you describe yourself these days is, “I’m a mom,” or “I work at [insert job here].” That’s super common. So many of us fall into this pattern—identifying only with the roles we play.
But today, I want to talk about why this happens and how you can begin to find yourself again—while still being the amazing mom you are.
The Disappearing Act of Adulthood
Let’s start with this idea of “finding yourself.” That phrase assumes you lost yourself at some point—which, honestly, I think most of us do in adulthood.
When I worked as a therapist with kids, I’d ask them, “Tell me about yourself.” And wow, they’d go all in. Their favorite dinosaur, color, TV show, what they love to draw and why. Ask them what animal they align with? “I’m a panda bear because…”
They had such a strong, natural sense of who they were.
Now contrast that with adults. When I ask that same question, I usually get:
“I’m a mom.”
“I work at [company].”
“I went to X university.”
We answer with facts or roles—not ourselves. It’s not deep.
Life Happens—and We Start to Forget
Once we leave school, we jump straight into work mode. And maybe later, into parenting mode. We become our job. Then we become the caregiver. And slowly, we stop checking in with who we are beyond that.
You might look at old photos and think, “Wow, I used to love doing that. Who was I back then?”
And then you’ll see someone online say, “Just find a hobby.”
But it’s not that simple.
Sure, hobbies are great. But the work is deeper. It’s really about coming home to yourself—to what brings your life meaning.
What Brings Your Life Meaning?
Meaning isn’t some abstract philosophical thing. It’s joy.
Think of kids again—they don’t sit around wondering, “What brings my life meaning?”
They follow their joy. Period.
So let me ask you:
What fills your cup and makes it overflow?
Is it time with friends? Creating art? Being in nature? Traveling?
What lights you up inside?
For me, it’s health, friends and family, and connection. I love making videos. I love deep conversations, seeing my friends and family, going to events. That’s me following my joy.
A Real-Life Example
Let me tell you about someone who embodies this beautifully—my sister-in-law, Tabitha. (Yes, she gave me permission to share this!)
She’s been a huge role model for me in self-expression and authenticity. She’s a mom, yes—but she’s also:
An amazing home cook
Super expressive with fashion, makeup, and hair
Part of a community theater group for years
A Dungeons & Dragons player
A passionate LGBTQ+ rights advocate
She does what brings her joy. And she’s still so present for her family—especially her daughter.
What’s even more powerful? Her daughter sees all this. And it’s rubbing off. She’s like, “I want to try theater too!” It’s a beautiful cycle.
The Support Behind the Joy
When I told Tabitha I wanted to talk about her, she said, “Make sure you tell them I have a support system.” And she’s right—this matters.
Her partner is supportive. Her parents and in-laws help with childcare. That support allows her to show up fully in all areas of her life.
But what if you don’t have a big support system?
You’re not out of luck. It’s harder, yes. I won’t sugarcoat that. But it’s still possible to do things to prioritize yourself.
Making It Work for Your Season of Life
You don’t need a theater group or D&D nights to find yourself. This isn’t about copying someone else’s joy—it’s about finding yours.
Maybe your family lives far away. Maybe you’re not ready to have someone else watch your child. That’s okay. You can still adapt things to your reality.
For me, I try to be super present with my daughter after daycare. So when she goes to bed? That’s when I might see a friend, go for a walk, or do something for me.
Some moms I know do playdates as a way to connect with other adults. Or go to places like EarlyOn centers where you can be around other moms and feel a sense of community, even if your child is with you.
The Time You Do Have
Also, let’s be honest: we all have those little windows of time we spend doomscrolling. (No judgment—I do it too.)
But what if you used even a sliver of that time for something meaningful?
A quick creative project
A call with a friend
Journaling
Just sitting with your own thoughts
Even seeing a friend once every two weeks can be healing.
A Gentle Self-Check-In
So here are two questions I want you to reflect on. Take a moment:
Who are you?
Not what roles you play. But you. What brings you joy? What do you love? What lights you up?How would your child describe you?
Kids are incredibly observant. What do they see? What are you modeling for them?
There’s this quote I love:
“Children don’t treat themselves the way you treat them. They treat themselves the way you treat yourself.”
Read that again.
You’re Allowed to Be a Whole Person
You are so much more than just “Mom.” You’re a full, complex, vibrant person. And rediscovering that version of you? It’s not selfish—it’s a gift to yourself and to your family.
You deserve to feel like you again.
Watch the full video version of this blog here: Lost in Motherhood? Here's How to Find Yourself Again