Want a Stronger Bond With Your Child? Start by Remembering This
Your Child’s Inner World Is Deeper Than You Think
…and why remembering your 13-year-old self can help you become a safe space for them
I don’t think we give kids—and especially teenagers—enough credit for just how rich their inner world is.
They notice everything. They’re quietly forming opinions, questioning the world, developing their sense of identity, and navigating incredibly complex social dynamics… all while still being seen as “just a kid.”
In this post, I want to explore that inner world—why it's so important to recognize it, how it changes the way we show up in motherhood, and how looking back at my own 13-year-old self (via my very dramatic teenage diary!) helped me reconnect with what it actually felt like to be a kid.
Two Ways We Tend to View Kids—and Why Both Miss the Mark
In my experience working with children and teens—especially those aged 12 to 16—I’ve noticed that adults tend to see them in one of two ways:
They’re just kids, what do they even have to worry about?
They’re mini adults who should just know better.
Neither perspective really honors what they’re going through. Kids have a full emotional life. They face social pressure, self-doubt, anxiety, loneliness. They are in the world, not separate from it.
And if we forget what it was like to be a child or a teen, that disconnect can create real distance between us and our own children.
When I Worked with Kids in Therapy
I used to work with a lot of young clients—and I saw firsthand how often their parents didn’t understand the depth of what their kids were feeling. It wasn’t because they didn’t care. They just couldn’t connect the dots.
I’d often have to translate what the child was expressing into words the parent could relate to. And more often than not, I’d ask the parent to think back to their own teen years:
Did you ever worry you weren’t good enough?
Did you ever feel like your friends might stop liking you from one week to the next?
Did you ever feel like you had to change who you were to be accepted?
If you did—then you know what your child might be going through now.
Being a Teen Today Is Even Harder
When I was 13, I worried about everything—what I looked like, whether my friends really liked me, if I’d ever be loved.
Reading my old diary recently brought all of it flooding back.
“I’m never going to find love. I’ll always be unlovable.”
—13-year-old me, 2005
Heartbreaking, right? At thirteen! But I felt that deeply at the time. Kids today carry those same worries—plus the added pressure of growing up with social media, group chats, constant comparison, and a 24/7 digital world that never shuts off.
Inside the Mind of 13-Year-Old Me
Here are a few real excerpts from my teenage diary:
“I’m scared of looking stupid in front of everyone .”
“I suck at singing. Everyone says I'm good, but they're just being nice.”
"I'm so fat it's crazy. My mom says I should exercise, but with what? Where? And I won't have any time 'cause I'm always babysitting and I'll just regain the weight anyway.”
That last one was tough to read. I was so hard on myself. So mean, even. And the truth is, these thoughts weren’t just present when I was writing—they lived in my head all the time.
Our kids may not be writing it down, but they’re feeling it. These fears, doubts, and pressures are very real to them. And they start young. I’ve had seven-year-olds tell me they were afraid of being judged by their classmates.
What Our Kids Really Need From Us
Sometimes, when a child shares something hard, it turns into an argument or a “fix it” moment. But when your child comes to you, more often than not, they’re not looking for solutions. They’re looking for connection. Support. A safe place to land.
I often ask my clients:
When you go to your partner with something that upset you—what are you hoping for?
You probably just want them to listen, to hold space, to not minimize your experience.
Your kids want the same.
They don’t need you to jump into action. They need you to say:
“That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.”
Why Empathy Begins with Recognition
The first step to empathy is recognizing that your child’s problems are real—even if they seem small or dramatic to you.
It’s not about agreeing with everything they say. It’s about being willing to see them as whole people—with thoughts, feelings, and a life that’s very real to them. They’re not just extensions of us. They’re their own person.
Becoming a Safe Place
A lot of moms come to me saying they want to connect more deeply with their children. And it’s absolutely possible—even in the teen years when that connection can start to feel harder to maintain.
Here’s what often makes the biggest difference:
Show compassion, even when it’s hard.
Be present, even when you feel like fixing.
Listen more than you speak.
Manage your own emotions so you can hold space for theirs.
When you do this consistently, your child starts to come to you for comfort. You become the safe space. And that’s how trust builds.
Because there’s nothing worse than when your child opens up… and then shuts down because they don’t feel understood.
A Reminder for Moms (and for Me)
My younger self was an over-thinker. Insecure. Scared of judgment. Longing to be loved and seen. And honestly? A lot of that still lives in me.
Your child might be feeling the same things. They just need someone to remind them that it’s okay to feel this way—and that they’re not alone.
Watch the full video version of this blog here: Want a Stronger Bond With Your Child? Start Here